Just a few examples of interactions I had in the past 2 days that make me feel like I am the crazy one.
H: I am going to go to the store for you.
Me: Is it really for me? The whole family needs groceries and getting them is not solely my job.
H: Give me a list.
Later he is at the store.
H: What kind of cake does 13yo want?
Me: Yellow cake, chocolate frosting.
(5 minutes pass)
H: I am not buying OJ.
H: It’s full of sugar. 8yo doesn’t need that.
Me: Did you just get 13yo cake? How does that make sense?
H: Why are you trying to make our son fat?
Me: With ORANGE JUICE? You can’t buy a cake for 13yo but tell 8yo that OJ is forbidden. That makes no sense.
In fact, it makes perfect sense because 8yo loves his dad and gives him attention because he feels sorry for him. 13yo doesn’t give her dad the time of day because she realizes he does not value other people, just their attention. So he buys sugar for the 13yo to earn her praise. He doesn’t buy sugar for the 8yo and tells him that he is protecting him. While I am “trying to make our son fat” by letting him have orange juice, he is protecting him. He cares more. It is all manipulation.
20 minutes later he was still texting me about other grocery items but had not answered my questions about why he was refusing to buy OJ. He also had told me he wasn’t buying things I want at the store, like Pepsi, because it isn’t good for me. I am an adult! I asked him why would he go to the store if he wasn’t going to get the things we needed from the store. He ignored my question. Then would text a new question about something else on the list.
I was not here for this BS. So I just kept replying, “Weird that you can text me new questions but you are not answering my question. Why go to the store if you are not going to get the things I put on the list?”
Again and again he refused to reply.
Later he texted, I got the Pepsi and orange juice. But what does that fix? I had wasted an hour texting him about OJ while he was at the store.
What it fixed was he got my attention. I think that in his mind he is the man of the house and he should be able to have the final say in everything that happens. But in reality, I am an adult, I can drink what I want. And if he didn’t get my Pepsi, I would have driven back to the store later to get it for myself. But why be so stupidly petty about it? We are in an area that is going to be on lock down for some time. Why refuse to get me the treats I want when I will have to go out and get them later? Because it makes him feel like he is in control. Because it gets him attention.
I am so sick of it. I know, I tried being a grey rock but I absolutely cannot stand by an ignore him when what he is doing is unfair to the kids.